How Sad-Sack Stooges for Rightwing Billionaires Pretend They're Patriots

Genuine patriots work to heal a country, to bring out its best, to strengthen its social and political fabric and make a better nation and world for future generations. 


They show up at school board and city council meetings sometimes literally wrapped in the American flag while carrying semiautomatic weapons in one hand and bibles in the other, screaming obscenities and threats at public officials.

They demand that children be exposed to Covid in school, then support governors who refuse federal money to expand Medicaid in 12 GOP-controlled states that would have paid for the medical treatment of low-income kids and their parents when they become ill.

They forbid teachers from teaching sex education outside of the abstinence-only programs Reagan put into place in 1982, make it illegal for teachers to mention birth control, and when girls become pregnant make it extremely difficult (and functionally illegal in Texas) to get an abortion.

They insist that global warming is a hoax and fight like hell to keep hundreds of billions in taxpayer subsidies flowing to the fossil fuel oligarchs, threatening violence at even a discussion of a carbon tax, electric cars or LED light bulbs.

They encouraged an attack on our US Capitol as well as several state capitols, trying to kill Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer, Vice President Mike Pence and Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi. 

They complain about the “American carnage” of our century-old infrastructure, but threaten a new civil war if politicians raise taxes on the well-off and the morbidly rich to fix it.

They demand prayer in schools and “one nation, under god” at public events, yet totally disregard Jesus’ teaching that prayer be done so quietly and privately that it’s in one’s “closet.”

Their preachers openly violate US tax law, forcing us all to pay for their public utilities like police, fire and public roads, while defying Jesus’ teachings about separating church and state (not to mention the similar sentiments of this nation’s Founders).

They attack colleges and academics and support over a trillion dollars in student debt (that happens nowhere else on Earth) while demanding protective tariffs against countries that technologically outpace us because they have better-educated workforces.

They claim to be “Christians” yet oppose government-supported food stamps and housing support in open defiance of Jesus’ teaching in Matthew 25:31-46 that the only way to get to heaven is to feed the hungry and care for the homeless.

They claim to believe in democracy yet push laws making it harder to vote but easier for goons to show up at polling places in militia garb to intimidate those who want to vote.

They say they’re on the side of working people but hate unions (except police unions).

They claim to be America’s best patriots.

They’re wrong, and tragically deluded.

In fact, they’re sad-sack stooges for rightwing billionaires who don’t want their polluting businesses regulated or their taxes raised. 

They’re gullible patsies of hustlers claiming religion inspires them while fleecing their congregations to buy a new private jet and a new mansion in Hawaii.

They’re sexually insecure men being played as marks by the NRA and the weapons industry, who tell them that by strapping AR15 prosthetic penises across their backs they seem masculine.

They’re grown-up elementary school bullies who turned to violence as children to conceal their inability to keep up in the classroom and now do the same when they don’t understand basic science.

They’re pathetic men who’ve spent their lives yelling, “Hey, baby!” at women and wondering why none ever walk up and offer themselves for a quickie.

They’re white chumps who’re convinced they’re genetically superior to everybody else and are terribly confused when they see really smart nonwhite people on TV or in politics.

They’re useful idiots of foreign autocrats and oligarchs who send millions of trolls and fake news across social media daily because a functioning American democracy is a threat to their own wealth, power and appearance of legitimacy.

They’re dupes for billionaire media families and their TV and radio hosts who’re laughing all the way to the bank as they crank the outrage machine harder and harder to keep their suckers glued to the dial.

Genuine patriots work to heal a country, to bring out its best, to strengthen its social and political fabric and make a better nation and world for future generations. 

These people are not patriots: they’ve been screwed for 40 years by Reaganomics, told it’s raining while that “trickle down” is just America’s oligarchs pissing on them, and are looking for someone to blame.

Trump and rightwing media have told them for years that their troubles are caused by people of color, scientists, unions, “liberals” and the “coastal elites” — and they’re believing it.

It would be tragic if they weren’t so wed to violence; instead they’re a genuine threat to law-abiding Americans and the stability of our democratic republic.