Tariff Tantrum Blues
The ports are cryin’, shelves are dryin’, The prices? Through the roof. We’re payin’ more for less and less —Economics gone poof! 🎶
[Verse 1]
Well I went down to Walmart, lookin’ for some socks,
But the shelves were emptier than a banker's heart in a paradox.
The clerk just shrugged and said, “They’re stuck in Guangzhou,
But we’ve got ten-dollar toothpicks, if that helps you though…”
[Chorus]
🎶 We got the tariff tantrum blues,
Trump’s got the world confused.
He slapped a tax on everything
From steel to baby shoes.
The ports are cryin’, shelves are dryin’,
The prices? Through the roof.
We’re payin’ more for less and less —
Economics gone poof! 🎶
[Verse 2]
Shipping containers rollin’ in like ghost ships from afar,
No toys, no tools, just echoes from a trade war bazaar.
China sent a message: “You first, big guy.”
Now the trucks roll out empty and the farmers just sigh.
[Bridge – spoken, bluesy]
I asked my neighbor Joe what he thinks of the plan,
He said, “It’s economic genius, like using a rake to fry an egg in a pan.”
Then he offered to sell me a hammer — for seventy-five bucks… used.
[Verse 3]
The candy aisle’s rationed, the tech store’s bare,
I bought a single light bulb — had to finance it on a dare.
My toaster’s held together with dreams and duct tape,
And I’ve been googling “how to make shampoo outta grapes.”
[Chorus]
🎶 Oh, the tariff tantrum blues,
Like a boomerang made of screws.
You throw it out with fury,
But guess who gets the bruise?
The jobs ain’t here, the stuff ain’t cheap,
And growth just hit the skids —
Now the Fed’s out back with duct-taped cash
And prayin’ for some bids. 🎶
[Verse 4 – soft and ironic]
So thank you, Mr. Tariff, for this patriotic mess,
I always dreamed I’d pay more for less while earning even less.
We’re bringing pain back home again, just like you always said…
And by Christmas, I’ll knit my kids socks… from string cheese and dread.
[Final Chorus – slow and grimly cheerful]
🎶 Tariff tantrum blues,
The Recession’s struttin’ in new shoes.
We’re broke, we’re cold, but hey — we’re bold,
With no imports to lose.
So raise a glass to empty ports,
And store-brand mac and cheese,
We’re makin’ tariffs great again…
On our knees. 🎶