The Furry Crisis Song

The furry crisis—America’s fight! Defend those halls from costume fright. Who needs food stamps or fair elections, When we’re guardin’ schools from feline affections?

(Verse 1)
Don’t say the GOP ain’t workin’ hard,
They’ve got their eyes on your schoolyard.
Forget about wages or Medicare,
There’s a kid in a tail, and that just ain’t fair.

(Verse 2)
While billionaires are skippin’ tax,
And bridges crumble, roads collapse,
Stan Gerdes stands, proud and bold,
To fight the menace—twelve years old.

(Chorus)
🐾 The furry crisis, sound the alarm!
A kid just barked—bring in the National Guard!
Why fix the grid or raise the wage,
When a child meowed on a classroom stage?
This is war. This is real.
Send ‘em all to juvie or a Texas jail.
Truth, justice, and the American way—
No fur allowed in the Lone Star State.

(Verse 3)
Forget your rent, your shrinking pay,
A first grader hissed—there goes the USA!
It’s not inflation or climate decay,
It’s kids with ears on Career Day.

(Bridge)
The FURRIES Act, oh what a name,
It’s governance meets cosplay shame.
You thought they'd fix what’s broken? Psych!
They're banning tails on a trike.

(Chorus)
🐾 The furry crisis, the final straw,
We’ll teach those punks the Rule of Law.
Who cares if your grandma can't afford her pills?
We got teens in whiskers givin’ us chills.
Gerdes rides like Horatius bold,
Against plush wolves and kittens cold.

(Verse 4)
Abbott’s preachin’ from his throne,
“Let’s ban some ears and send kids home!”
Five dress-up days, that’s all you get,
Mascots skate, but don’t you fret.

(Final Chorus)
🐾 The furry crisis—America’s fight!
Defend those halls from costume fright.
Who needs food stamps or fair elections,
When we’re guardin’ schools from feline affections?
So raise your flags and burn your tails—
The culture war’s too big to fail.

(Outro)
And if your kid meows or purrs one day,
Thank the GOP—they’ll lock ‘em away.
Because nothing screams "freedom and might"
Like policing playtime with all our might.